[46] Cost-BOOM!

First off, I would (not) like to apologize for the shortage of blogs lately! This semester has been brutal (and not very eventful)! But right now I would like to talk about Halloween. For those of you how don’t know about Halloween let Theo tell you about it:

Theo’s Thoughts: Halloween has its origins in the ancient Celtic festival known as Samhain The festival of Samhain is a celebration of the end of the harvest season in Gaelic culture, and is sometimes regarded as the…

Okay shut up! Anyway here is my list of suggestions for Halloween costumes!

1. - Anything you want!

You see, I have a great way to get whatever costume you want in seconds! The secret is … nametags! With those things you could be a panther, a Indiana Jones, a physiotherapists, a cartoon or a me! Just write the name of whatever you want to be on the name tag and you could also wear … a … hat.


Well, that’s our show for today! Tune in next time, when I tell you the secret to the perfect jack-o-lantern (hint: it is nametags) and Theo will copy and paste from more Wikipedia pages!

Theo’s Thoughts: Hey I wrote the Halloween page! So if anything I … was … plagiarizing …myself.

So until next time, suck on that.

[45] Read this (it's shocking)!!!

You ready for it? You ready for it! This is biggest news since the news about that bear on the loose! This will change the course of the rest of this season as we know it! The most logic-bending, chapter-ending, so-unbelievably-hyped-that-it-cannot-possibly-live-up-to-it-est change ever! Yes my friends it’s the end of an ara …era …eara … well, it’s the end of a thing! Yet, fear not my children it is not a bad change it’s just different! It’s like going from the Gold Age of Comics to the Silver Age! What is the news? The Bardem is gone! That’s right, I cut my hair! Short! In fact when the archaeologists dig up a computer in the future a discover my blogs they will sort them into:

Lion’s Main Ara: January 29, 2008 – June 1, 2008

Hair-vier Bardem Eara: June 2, 2008 – October 5, 2008

Hair-odynamic Eaaruruaa: Now to … Then

Theo’s Thought’s: For God’s sake it’s era! ERA!

Well thank you Mr. Grammar! Maybe I should shave your hair!

Theo’s Thought’s: Not my George Lucas!

Anyway, I know your wondering what happened the Le Comba Diablo! So did I until I got this postcard:


“Dear Robert

I heard you were going to get your haircut. So I magically grew legs and walk done to a goat farm where all the goats have Bardems and the air smells like pine! I will write again if I get a chance! Say Hi to Theo for me!

Love
XOXO
Le Comba Diablo

P.S. I grew arms to write this!”


Theo's Thoughts: You never said Hi!

Don't thempt me! ...So there it is, suck on that!

[44] EXCLUSIVE SOT INTERVIEW with Jamie Magnusson

R: I’m here with the man of the hour, the tower of power, the irreplaceable, untraceable guitarist for the band breached; Jamie Magnusson! Say hi Jamie!

J: Hi!

R: Let’s jump straight into the questions! You are a fan of my blog, yes?

J: Yes I am.

R: Now how often would you say that you read it?

J: Well, I try to read it whenever there are a few new blogs out and I try to catch up whenever I can.

R: You don’t seem to be that big of a fan! Back to the whole music thing that you do which I think is great! How would you say that Milli Vanilli has influenced you career?

J: Umm … very little!

R: Next question! Anderz, It must be fun to work with him, is he fun to work with? Your thoughts!

J: Ya, it’s usually something different every day…

R: Ya, Ryan is it fun to work with him?

J: Ya, but…

R: Brant?
J: Umm…ya.

R: Okay, so Theo wanted me to ask you a question, but it’s really metaphorically and intellectual and boring, something about the meanings of your songs or whatever! I’m not gonna ask that because Theo is a dick! But I would like to know what that Unicorn song is about! You that one with the Unicorns?

J: It’s about this place called party house. I don’t know a whole lot about lyrics and stuff, but ya I’m just gonna say that.

R: And this party house is a land of neon?

J: … You could say that.

R: I’m gonna close this of with a true and false! Answer as 100% truthfully as possible! This is a confessional, I’m the priest and you’re my bitch!
J: Okay!

R: Breached Movie?

J: False.

R: Videogame based on the movie … well obviously no.

J: Ya.

R: Christmas album?

J: Well, ya, we have some ideas. We’re not working on it right now, but maybe in the future.

R: You are dating Lindsay Lohan?

J: False.

R: That’s a stupid question because she’s gay! (The day after this interview Samantha Ronson announced her engagement to Lindsay Lohan! Did I call it or what?)

J: And full of STDs!

R: Suck on That Theme Song?

J: Umm…True?

R: Alright, plug the band!

J: Thursday 11th 2008 at Polson Park Vernon at 4:00 pm breached is playing and the album Recycle the Alternative is available on iTunes and other stores like Hemp-City

R: Thank you Jamie! Suck on That!

[43] Jon and Kate Plus Hate!

I am angry! Angry!!! I’m angry with Jon and Kate! Not to mention ei8ht (now I’m not a dictionary-ologist but last time I checked words weren’t spelt with numbers)! These two have waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too many kids! Hey! Leave some for us! Soon Jon and Kate will have all the children and we will all be living in a joyless childrenless universe! Theo is sterile, he ain’t gonna have any kids of his own!

Theo’s Thoughts: I told you not to go into my file cabinet!

Plus those kids! I’m gonna push the envelope so far that it falls of a cliff into the fiery depths of envelope-hell! That’s right I’m gonna yell at a bunch of kids! Let me list them because I enjoy lists so:

Joel – Now I like whining as much as the next guy, (read the rest of my blogs) but seriously find a reason to whine!

Leah – There is such a thing as too cute! Now I’m gonna barf!

Collin – What kind of nickname is Coggy?

Aaden – Dude, even I don’t know that many animals! What the heck is an elephant!

Hannah – You are too mature!

Alexis – You are too immature!

Mady – Your real name is Madelyn … what are you trying to hide?

Cara – At this point I don’t even care-a!

Theo’s Thoughts: Puns are the lowest form of humour!

And you are the hoe-est form of whore-mour! Suck on that!

[42] Short Round

I have a beef with incredibly short blog entries! So suck on that!

[41] The Suck-It List!

I watched a movie recently and it really made me think; “what have I done with my life?” Granted it is probably more than you have done with yours but I want to do so much more and you never know when you’re gonna go! I mean look at what happened to the Kokanee Ranger and with that bear that escaped from the zoo I’m feeling that I might as well live life to the fullest! So here is my new bucket list:

1. See Weird Al Yankovic live.

2. Eat some animal that I have never heard of.

3. Lern how too speall btter.

4. Punch Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer in their fat faces for being such creative and revolutionary filmmakers!

5. Be nicer to Theo. He’s my cousin and I love him.

Theo’s Thoughts: Thanks cuz! I love you too!

Jeez Theo! Stop being so gay!!!

6. Become a hip hop cop with an attitude who’s been pushed to the edge.

7. Have a celebrity sign my underpants (a female one, sorry Theo!).

8. Go to White Castle.

9. Escape from Guantanamo Bay.

10. Say “suck on that” to the Prime Minister of Canada and/or someone with power

11. Write a bucket list.

Well, I’ve already done number eleven and today I will be flying from New York back to Vernon B.C. to do number one (you might even catch me at the PAC)! This movie has really made me learn the true value of human life! So I’d like to thank the whole cast and crew of “Knocked Up” for teaching me how important a life is! Thank you “Knocked Up”, I will not get an abortion! And as for you the reader, you’ll be happy to know that from now on I’ll be angrier than ever! Get ready for the greatest posts of your life!!! Suck on that!

[40] That Clip Show I Said I Would Do!

(Listen to a really soulful song while reading this)


THROUGH GOOD TIMES:

“Everything has been going really good lately.” “I love you and I want you to keep following your dreams.” “Who doesn’t love candy?”

AND BAD:

“I am really sad with the state of the world today!” “Some punk had egged my house!” “How will this blog survive?”

WITH FAMILY:

“My long lost half-cousin Theo.” “If you have a problem with my mom you have a problem with me!” “So please son(s) and/or daughter(s) take a seat because I want to have a serious conversation.”

WITH FRIENDS:

“I have hired my good friend Rylen.” “Brandon made me go see Tomb of the Dragon Emperor!" “HAPPY BIRTHDAY RYAN”

THERE IS ALWAYS ONE THING YOU CAN COUNT ON:

“It’s called ‘Suck on That’ and it’s the only reason to have Nexopia!”

AND THERE IS ALWAYS ONE GUY WHO DELIVERS!:

“Our old angry Robert!”

LADIES AND GENTELMEN, SUCK ON THAT IN ALL IT’S ANGERY GLORY:

“It makes me mad that I can never tell if it is a baby koala on a mama koala’s back on my shampoo bottle or a midget koala having sex with a regular koala”
“Then after I flew down to South-East Asia and beat up some Nazis I made it to The Cave of the Pharaoh’s Groin!”
“Well, Sunny-Jim, it’s time you wake up and smell the news!”
“Daniel, you were caught running naked through the halls of the Plaza Hotel. I actually don’t really have a problem with you!”
“He went, up and down, up and down, back and forth, back and forth, in and out, in and out.”
“CBS – You could have nine and three fifths of a man for all I care you still suck!”
“Oh no you didn’t girl-friend!”
“I've had the answer to all our problems for years! Cryogenically-Frozen Super-Monkeys.”
“When is it professional to publicly bash someone who was in a movie?”
“The next thing you know they chuck a grapefruit at your face (thanks for the free grapefruit bitch!)!”
“Best Picture: Underdog”
“A funny side-note; in England they call potato chips “french fries”.”

“So suck on that!” “Please suck on that!” “So, Academy of Motion Pictures, suck on that!” “Suck on that! “ “So Nintendo, suck on that!” “So, suck on that over and over again! “ “Suck on that!” “So my friends, suck on … oh what’s the point?!”

EVERYTHING!!!

[39] Suck On That’s Blog Anthem Challenge!

This post has been delayed for a week or two, which is because due to a pending lawsuit I will no longer be aloud to play the theme song at the start of the show (it’s been delayed even longer because Brandon made me go see Tomb of the Dragon Emperor)! That cheap bastard says he want’s more money for the rights to his song!

Theo’s Thoughts: Stop calling me a cheap bastard!

He knows dang well that this show doesn’t make any money

Theo’s Thoughts: Yeah, but you made ME pay YOU $100

So that’s your cue world! It’s Suck On That’s Blog Anthem Challenge! All you have to do is write, record and submit a song to suckonthat_blog@live.com! Everybody knows that this blog is the best thing that there is that exists! Imagine the bragging rights if it was your song on my show! Not to mention the fact that you would get 100 Robert-Bucks*** if you win, to buy some cool Suck on That stuff! So if you are a singer, song-writer, or in a band (time to pay me back breached!) get out there and write me a song and together we can tell that cheap bastard to suck on that!

Theo’s Thoughts: Stop calling me that!







*** Robert-Bucks only functional in Bangladesh. Robert-Bucks can only be used on specially-marked Suck on That merchandise. Suck on That merchandise does not exist at this time. Possession of Robert-Bucks is illegal.

[38] Rickrolled Again!

I have a beef! Don’t you just hate it when you’re looking for something really important on the internet and right when you think you’ve found …

We're no strangers to love
You know the rules and so do I
A full commitment's what's I'm thinking of
You wouldn't get this from any other guy

I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling
Gotta make you understand

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

We've know each other for so long
Your heart's been aching
But you're too shy to say it
Inside we both know what's been going on
We know the game and we're gonna play it

And if you ask me how I'm feeling
Don't tell me you're too blind to see

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

Give you up, give you up
Give you up, give you up
Never gonna give,
Never gonna give, give you up
Never gonna give,
Never gonna give, give you up

We've know each other for so long
Your heart's been aching
But you're too shy to say it
Inside we both know what's been going on
We know the game and we're gonna play it

I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling
Gotta make you understand

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

[37] Mad-ress!

You know life here in New York can be pretty tiring! So when I get home from a long hard day of brain drop-kicking I always like to settle down for a tasty nap. However, I noticed I’ve been getting to sleep faster recently! And I noticed that my mom had bought me a new Memory Foam mattress (the last actress would never have done that)! I shan’t have this at all! It is impossible to jump on those beds! And what if you’re doing something naughty in the bed and it leaves a print! I miss that period when you are waiting to go to sleep! Memory Foam blows! Theo will back me up on this!

Theo’s Thoughts: I actually like Memory Foam.

So I say; take to the mattress stores! We will join the counting sheep in protest! YOU GO! Go on without me! Don’t worry I’ll be there in just a minute to protest! Theo can bring the corn chips!

Theo’s Thoughts: No I can’t!!!

So, suck on that!

[36] Let's Jump This Shark!

Here in Hollywood we have a little term called “jumping the shark”. If you want to know the term, it means that a show has a sudden decline in quality (look it up on Wikipedia if you want a better explanation!). And I thought that after thirty-five good, solid episodes this would be a good opportunity to take a sharp left turn! I’m going to try "jumping the shark”! If it works, you guys will talk about how excellent my blog used to be and probably exaggerate how good it really was! If this doesn’t work, it will just be proof that my blog will be able to survive: moving the show from Canada to New York, a really lame and cliché clip-show, the introduction of my long lost half-cousin Theo (and his on segment on the show Theo’s Thoughts), a Wanda Sykes cameo, a sub-plot about a bear on the loose, having a different actress playing my mom and an unfunny episode that deals with serious issues and mature subject matter! I am actually going to all that stuff and just like ‘New Coke’ this it will make you love me even more! So suck on that!

[35] Iron Chris Crocker Man (terrible pun!)

Leave Iron Monger alone! LEAVE HIM ALONE! And how flippin’ dare anyone out there make fun of Iron Monger after all he’s been through? He loves he’s money! He wants to kill innocent people! All you people care about is screen time and decent action sequences! HE A VILLAIN!!! What you don’t realize is he is twice the villain you’ll ever get and all you do is write a bunch of crap about him! He hadn’t been in a fight for years (he’s an old guy!), when it comes to fight scenes you people just want more, more, MORE, MORE!!! LEAVE HIM ALONE! You’re lucky that he even fought Iron Man for you at all! LEAVE IRON MONGER ALONE … please. Speaking of professionalism, when is it professional to publicly bash someone who was in a movie (I love movies!)? LEAVE IRON MONGER ALONE! PLEASE! LEAVE OBADIAH STANE ALONE RIGHT NOW! I mean it!!! Anyone who has a problem with him can suck on that!!!

[34] Allakhazam Headshot!

They are on your street corners! They are at your children’s birthday parties! They are on our televisions! That’s right I’m talking about magicians, they have a hidden agenda:

1. Fill your hat with Rabbit crap!
2. Sucker-punch you in the face while your cleaning your hat!
3. Wear really bad tuxedos!

We can’t let them get away with this or soon they’ll have all our world leaders writing their names on the backs of playing cards! With those signatures they will be able to do anything! Here are our main culprits and who I have assigned to take each one down:

Criss Angel-Mindfreak – Well to take on Mr. Angel-Mindfreak (if that is your real name) I would choose Chuck Norris, because Criss can walk on water, but Mr. Norris can swim through land (tm)!

Houdini – Now, I’m pretty sure Houdini is dead, but people still are able to talk to him! This looks like a job for Ghost Rider, suit up Nicolas Cage!

David Blaine – I’d pin him against Briana Evigan and Robert Hoffman, because they have what it takes to step up 2 the street magic!

Neil Patrick Harris – A gay-rights-activist so he knows it’s not because he’s homosexual and that it is because he’s magic!

Harry Potter – (See Above)

Siegfried & Roy – A black tiger could beat up their white tiger any day! Get it? Because whiteys are weak!

So to any magicians out there who are readying this be warned, I actually have these people on speed-dial and they will mess you up! Magicians you can cut me in half as many times as you want! I’ll still be twice the man you ever were! So suck on that!

[33] Robert's Mom

Hello this Robert’s mother and I have a beef! I never get see my little snogglepus any more! This is what blog do to people, they make them avoid real live! You people have ruined my son! In fact he just had a final exam and I think he failed that because he was on this darn internet the whole time he should have been studying! And to tell you the truth I don’t like the idea of him telling his personal feelings to the whole web! What is the web anyway? I’m going to go check it out be right back …

OMG! I was wrong about blogs! Blogs are a great way to get to know complete strangers (I feel like I know Diablo Cody personally)! And Youtube, that “Chocolate Rain” song touched me in a way that Whitney Houston never could! And Wikipedia, could you even possibly get more accurate information? I think not! And Google Images, you can find anything on that thing! In fact I need to find a way to remove embarrassing photos of myself from the internet! ROTFL! Well GTG! TTYL, Robert’s friends, stay out of trouble! Suck on that (that’s what I’m supposed to say at the end right?)!

[32] Sing-A-Wrong!

I need you! Now don’t go crazy and join the U.S. Army! I need you to tell me the title of this one song I’ve had in my head for a while and it is driving me insane! It goes like: duh-duh DUH duh-duh-duh duh-dee-dum ditty-dum dee-dum dee-dum. Okay, I know three things! I know this song is not by the Jonas brothers! I know it has the word “love” in it at least two times! I know that a pterodactyl is a flying-reptile and not a dinosaur! So if anyone knows that tune please tell me because it has been in my head for so long and I just want to punch the composer in the face! Alright that’s it! I look forward to telling the writer of this song to suck on that!

[31] British Columbia Rob and The Kingdom of the Vibranium Comb

I recently acquired a haircut (based on that of Anton Chigurh of No Country for Old Men), but the second I left the barbershop I knew that, to maintain this hairdo, I would need a comb. So, I proceeded to need a comb, but I couldn’t just get any comb for these curly locks. I needed some time to think about this so I went to go see The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull and it got me thinking what would Indiana Jones do? So, I went onto a secret North Korean website and searched up mythical combs and soon I found the perfect one. Then after I flew down to South-East Asia and beat up some Nazis I made it to The Cave of the Pharaoh’s Groin!

Once (and if) you make it past the traps of this cave you come to a giant gold room! In this room are three silver doors and overtop of them was the following written Hindu:

“Hear lies Le Comba Diablo! Forged by the gods and made of solid vibranium! The first object to both be struck by lightning and win the lottery! Bitten by a radioactive spider and clinically proven to raise the sperm count of diabetics! Pick a door kind sir, if you chose correctly the comb shall be yours, if not you shall be killed!”

So, I picked a door at random and the Comb Master (a giant griffin) opened one of the doors without the comb behind it and then asked if I would like to change doors or not. One door has a comb and one doesn’t, so 50/50 chance, right? Wrong! You see chances are that I picked one without the comb behind it, so changing doors will give you about a 66% chance of getting the comb (when sticking with the same door only gives you 33%)!

Long story, short, I got Le Comba Diablo (or Satan’s Hairbrush) and now my hair can be kept in mint condition! And if you don’t believe this story, then suck on that!

[30] American I - Dull

Has anyone seen this new show American Idol? Apparently it is very popular! Well, I don’t like it (big surprise there)! It is so boring, except for the additions, (Renaldo Lapuz is my brother forever).The judges are useless! Randy, you know you’re my dawg, dawg! But dawg, seriously dawg! DAWG! Paula Abdul, (drunken Janet Jackson wanna-be) sweetheart, I love you and I want you to keep following your dreams. But I just don’t think you’re right for the show! Simon Cowell killed the expression “you are your own worst critic”! I can’t believe Sanjaya didn’t win! Especially because these are the people they let win:

Kelly Clarkson – Why don’t you “breakaway” from making such terrible music!

Ruben Studdard – Who the heck is Ruben Studdard?

Fantasia Barrino – Fantasia? Why don’t you go back into the Disney Vault?

Carrie Underwood – She is the hot one right?

Taylor Hicks – No, you do not “make me proud”!

Jordin Sparks – Carrie Underwood is hot!

David Cook – I bought his single thinking it was a Dane Cook standup routine and now iTunes will not give me my money back!

Carrie Underwood – You are hot!!!

The way I see it Americans should start idolizing someone worth it like Carrot Top, William Shatner or me! We are the ones going to Hollywood! So suck on that!

[29] I will never sell out!

Okay, for those of you who don’t know, there is a new Suck on That website up (www.suckonthatblog.blogspot.com) and for those of you who really don’t know there is an old Suck on That website up (www.nexopia.com/weblog.php?uid=2680731). Now let me assure you that I am not turning my back on my Nexopia fans and that this new site is only to help expand the fan-base! I will keep both blogs running and they will both have exactly the same content (however some of the comments I make in the old posts only apply to the Nex blog). I have hired my good friend Rylen to run the new site because he himself is fan and only wants the best for this blog. I have heard some complaints about Rylen taking the advertising too far, but trust me we only raise awareness so that we can kick this blog into the next level. Trust me; I am not going to sell out. So you will never hear me plugging some food product or some appliance or some musician!

And speaking of musicians, I would like to take this opportunity to tell you about this great band called breached! It is this awesome little band based in Vernon, British Columbia. Anderz is the most electric charged, H-core front man I have ever seen! And Jamie is the greatest guitarist of our generation, exclamation mark! Ryan and Brant are the perfect Ringo Starr and George Harrison! Breached’s debut album “Recycle The Alternative” is set to be released on iTunes and CD! Breached is the next big thing and with song titles like “She Likes Circumcision” you know they have to be good! And I’m not just saying this to get a free t-shirt! So, suck on that!

[28] Baldwin Bothers!!

You know who I hate? I hate the Baldwins! They just keep multiplying and multiplying. They’re like rabbits … who are in movies … and on TV … and go to rehab a lot! No, they are more like Lindsey Lohan … except four of them! No, they are more like a boy band: Billy - The Cute One, Daniel - The Quiet One, Alec - The Talented One, and Stephen - The Mischievous Little Scamp! Well, whatever they are they’re annoying and I’m calling them out!

William, (is it Billy or William, dude, make up your mind!) you think you can go from being fashion model to being an actor? Next thing you know, you’ll be running for governor of California! I’ll give you ten dirty sexy dollars to get out of Hollywood!

Stephen, you were in Bio-Dome! Do I need another reason to hate you?

Alec, what happened? You used to be in movies! Good movies! Good movies that people had heard of! But now you’ve thrown your career away for some lame SNL-spin-off (no offence to Tina Fey)! If you are going to go that far why not just join the cast of Saturday Night Live? You could replace Darrell Hammond! They need someone younger than him anyway!

Daniel, you were caught running naked through the halls of the Plaza Hotel. I actually don’t really have a problem with you!

In short, these muskacters to say “Adiós” to acting and say “Bonjour” to The Rancor! So, Baldlose brothers, suck on that

[27] The US of Eh?

I would like to send a message to all my American readers: You are so stupid! Canadians all don’t drive zambonis or live in igloos! Canadians have as much of an accent as Americans! It is not ALWAYS cold and snowing up here! Man, you’re dumb! If I still have any American readers I would like to point out the differences between Canada and America in metaphor.

Our National Animals – America has the eagle. Canada has the beaver. America is majestic and beautiful, high on top of a tree; we’re a big ugly rat, but we cut that tree down!
Our Flags – You have 50 stars and they sure look pretty, but we get the same effect with only one leaf!
Our Violence – You guys get to attack Iraq for no apartment reason and it’s all good. We kill a couple seals and we’re evil!
Our Music Television Channels – You have MTV and we have Much. Neither one has anything to do with music!
Our Marvel Superheroes – You have Captain America sporting your flag and we have Guardian wearing our flag. Our hero no one has heard of! Your hero is world-famous, but he is dead!

So you see we are not that extremely different, just very, very different! So suck on that!

[26] Deleted and Extended Scenes

We now have passed the 25 mark and victory tastes great! But getting to were we are today wasn’t easy! I’ve made it despite it all! We’re at 25 posts, but you may be surpirsed that not everything I wrote in these blogs ended up in the finale post! Here are some deleted and extended scenes that I dug up out of my recycle bin over the last week:

#4: I Can Say Whatever the F*** I Want!
-or “The Goonies” is really a good movie”

#5: Read All My Words
-




#9: Right to Write
- CBS – You could have nine and three fifths of a man for all I care you still suck!

#11: Oscars - The Grouch
- Best Documentary Short Subject: Behind the Scenes of Juno
(P.S. This was cut because no one cares about this category, but I do think it won)

#13: Who Cars?
- 6. That car was too lame for us to do anything to! Lepard-print seats? Oh no you didn’t girl-friend!

#16: Super Smash No’s
- Side-A: Bee-Sting

#19: Suck on What?: Part 2
- It makes me mad that no one ever told me where sexy went in the first place!

#22: Rerun Away
- I even thought that Scrubs was over because there was no new material at all!

#23: History List-ory
- 10. Axis of Evil (Brooklyn) - Don’t mess with my blog because you are in for a world of hurt!

11. Every Native Amaracian – Don’t trust the white man! We’re douches!

#24: The Birds and the Bees and You!
-That SOB Bee never even called the bird back again

#25: Po-HATE-oe Chips!
- All dressed chips? Chips don’t need clothing! Sweet Chili Heat? That is not how you deal with a bear!

#26: Deleted and Extended Scenes
- Suck on that!

[25] Po-HATE-toe Chips!

Mmm! These potatoe chips are delicious! You know why? It’s because they are plain chips! They aren’t your namby-pamby, wishy-washy, no guts, flavoured chips. Some of those flavours can be so stupid! Almost as stupid as Post-John Ritter 8 Simple Rules!

Sour cream and chedder chips? Who eats cheese with sour cream, that’s just gross. Salt and vinegar chips? That is redundant! Spicy chips? Spicy is no a flavor! You might as well call them solid chips or circular chips! Barbeque chips? Who eats barbeques? Chippendales? No one wants to eat that! Microchips? Nobody trusts robots!

So get your act together potatoe chips! A funny side-note; in England they call potatoe chips “french fries”. Those English! Where was I? Hmmm … Oh yeah! Suck on that!

[24] The birds and the bees and YOU!

Here at Suck on That I treat my readers like I would my children. That’s right you are all my children (not the soap opera All My Children because it sucks) and as my children I realize that I have never given you “the talk”! So please son(s) and/or daughter(s) take a seat because I want to have a serious conversation about the birds and the bees.

Once upon a time there where a bunch of birds and a bunch of bees, at first the bees thought that birds were icky. However as they grew older the bees became more and more attracted to the birds and soon all they could think about were birds. The birds liked the bees too, but they knew that bees could be such jerks. For quite some time the bees had a hard time talking to birds, until one bee went over and stung one of the birds (one with really big wings). The bee then tried to pull his stinger out. He went, up and down, up and down, back and forth, back and forth, in and out, in and out. The bird acted like she was in pain (but she really wasn’t) and she yelled “Your stinger is so big!” (but she really didn’t think it was all that big). Then, after only about two or three minutes, his stinger came out and nine months later there was a baby!

Hopfully that answered all of your questions and cleared up anything you needed explained. Oh, and by the way sometimes the bee liked to sting his own hand and there’s nothing wrong with that. So suck on that kids!

[23] History List-ory

History is stupid! The people in history are even more stupid! They make all theses nonsensical choices and decisions! When anyone could make a smart, logical choice by looking in your average Socials 9 textbook! Man, they’re dumb! So here are some words of wisdom for the key figures in history! LIST TIME!

1. Marie Antoinette – The people that are storming your palace aren’t really “cake people”!

2. Vincent Van Gogh – You can’t really re-gift an ear!

3. Louis XIV – You’re gonna flip things up for your grandson!

4. Louis XVI – You’re screwed!

5. Napoleon – Russians are pyromaniacs!

6. Abraham Lincoln - Ford's Theatre is going to put on a really bad production of Our American Cousin. Skip it!

7. Christopher Columbus – There is a continent called North America in your way you’re gonna want to take a sharp turn north!

8. Albert Einstein – Get a life!!!

9. Eliot Spitzer – “I hate everything illegal” might not be the best campaign slogan!

There! I think history will think twice before messing with me. For the regular readers of my blog, I apologize for this highbrow post. And as for historians (those Daniel Day-Losers!) you all can suck on that!

[4] I can say whatever the F*** I want

OGTAYTRUJGHKHHSHWT$%TJDFGSJJTTYTHFGJGKTYUJYKIPO(*I )L"{UIDRFSYHJKKJHIUYIJ27HJHIFGDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

The above is an expression of my freedom of speech. I sure love that thing! For those of you how don’t know “freedom of speech” is something discovered by a caveman named Blog. He wrote some things one a cave wall that roughly translated to “You can say what ever you want to!” So no censoring! Yet, today in a world of political correctness you can’t say anything without someone telling you “You are such a pig!” or “Stop using such bad language in front of my kids” or “I’m not Italian!” or “I did NOT insult you... or you blog for that matter!” or “You can’t post two entries in on day!” Well it seems these people (you know who) you are have forgotten freedom of speech and they will get an extra brain drop-kicking. And now Nexopia is telling me you can’t reveal peoples last names on the site! Oh can’t I?

Ben’s last name is Stiller!

Carmen’s last name is Electra!

John’s last name is Rambo!

And my last name is The Destroyer!
So suck on that!

[22] Rerun Away!

I have a beef! I have a beef! I have a beef! I have a beef! I have a beef! I have a beef! I have a beef! I have a beef! I have a beef! I have a beef! I have a beef! I have a beef! I have a beef! Doesn’t it start to lose something after a while? The point I’m trying to make is that reruns are annoying. They are like visual leftovers! You start watching and you’re all like “Oh my god! Jackie and Kelso are getting back together!” and then you go “Oh, wait I’ve already seen this episode!” Sometimes I get really excited and think that Seinfeld is making new episodes, but no those are just reruns! What if they did that with the news? Everyone would think that Hurricane Katrina was happening for a second time or that your stock in Enron has miraculously gone up! I feel that if you are not going to play a new episode don’t play anything at all! As far as I’m concerned reruns should go to syndication hell! So, suck on that over and over again!

[21] The guy who looked like a duck

With everything that’s wrong these days (and if you haven’t realized after 20 posts that something is wrong with the world then something is wrong with you!) I felt that it would be a good thing to share with you something I wrote as small child. It’s a great metaphor for what’s going on in the world today (see if you can figure it out). So without further ado here it is my epic masterpiece, my literary opus, the short story: The Guy Who Looked Like a Duck!

There once was a guy who looked like a duck.

He asked a clown why he looked like a duck.

But the clown just laughed at him!

Everyone thought he was funny!

They called him a freak!

It turned out he was really a duck.

The End!

Now if you could not figure out the metaphor I am really sad with the state of the world today. Please, if you did understand this, take my message to heart and maybe the world will go back to the way it was before the French Revolution! Oh, and by the why, thank you Jim for letting me tell your life story! Suck on that!

[20] I'll wet your mom!

I think figures of speech are stupid. They don’t make any sense! Why can’t people just say what they mean? Zut alors! Figures of speech are sure Autobots that I would like to see roll out of the English language! The reason I say this to you very busy people is because it’s your job to listen to me. Anyway, I was at Boston Pizza and on the cover of the menu it said “Wet Your Appetite!” It got me to thinking; an appetite is not a tangible object, it can not become wet. An appetite is more of a feeling or an idea. See, I can wet my mouth, I can wet my tongue, I can wet my hard palate, I can even wet my stomach, but I can’t wet my appetite, it’s a inanimate object! I know something is wet when I touch it! Figures of speech, go figure. In conclusion, never talk to strangers, kids, unless those strangers have candy, because who doesn’t love candy? Suck on that!

[19] Suck on what? Part two

Where is that clapping coming from? Stop clapping! Stop it! That’s making me angry! Wait… that’s making me angry!!! YES! Clapping makes me mad! It makes me mad when some shows have episodes with two parts! It makes me mad that I can never tell if it is a baby koala on a mama koala’s back on my shampoo bottle or a midget koala having sex with a regular koala. It makes me mad that orange is spelled the same in French and English! It makes me mad that I always miss the McRib whenever McDonalds brings it back! It makes me mad that Ben Affleck and Tom Cruise are the same person dressed as two hot movie stars! It makes me mad that seven ate nine when nine is twice the size of seven! It makes me mad how these jokes are just hit and miss! WOO! I am mad! I am mad as heck! I’m back baby! And now my friends, I can say with confidence: SUCK ON THAT!!!

[18] Suck on what? Part one

I am really angry today! You know why? I'm angry because I have absolutely nothing to be angry about! Everything has been going really good lately and I have nothing to complain about! How will this blog survive if there is nothing making me mad? Honestly, I don’t even have a quibble! Here let me try to get mad at something:
… Umm … phones aren’t … that … good…
See?!?!? That wasn’t even irritated! I’m afraid to say it, but every thing is hunky-dory! So my friends, suck on … oh what’s the point?!


Is this the end? Is Suck on That over? Is there anything you can do to help? No! No! And Yes! All you little children just have to clap if you believe in Robert! That’s right, clap, clap, clap like there’s no tomorrow and maybe, just maybe we’ll get our old angry Robert back! Tune in next week for the exciting conclusion of Suck on That: Suck on What?!!!

DUN-DUN-DUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

[17] Practical Yolks

Robert have beef! People disgust me these days! OK so I’m in my house, right? Where I live, right? And I wake up, right? In my bed, right? I walk into the hallway to go and enjoy Easter with my family, when I notice something less not un-normal than usual! It looks like someone wanted to pull a funny, an Easter funny! Some punk had egged my house! Hasn’t Michael Moore taught us anything? I seriously thought those days were behind us! What’s worse is now the prankers are getting creative! Instead of using normal eggs these people used chocolate eggs and instead of throwing them at my house they hid them in my house. So I had to search for them and clean them up all morning. What disturbs me is that they managed to break into my house to hide the chocolate eggs. So personally I’m doing everything I can to make practical jokers suck on that!

[16] Super Smash No's!

I haven’t posted a new post in a week because I’ve been really angry and busy playing Super Smash Bros Brawl. So here’s my beef; Super Smash Bros Brawl! Now, I’ve unlocked all the characters and don’t worry I’m not going to spoil them for you, but I will tell you that I’m not one of them! I know what you’re thinking, you’re thinking; “Hey Robert! You are not a Nintendo character!” Well, Sunny-Jim, it’s time you wake up and smell the news! There are two third-party characters in the game. I also know what that creepy old guy behind you is thinking; “Hey Robert! What makes you think they would even consider putting you in the video game?” Well, obviously that creepy old dude has not read this blog before! Furthermore I sent in the design for the character over two weeks before the game came out in North America. Let my give you just a little taste of what you are all missing:

Side-B: Lightsaber your ass

Down-A: Double Sock Kick

Up-B: Brain Drop-Kick

Down-B: Cryogenically-Frozen Super-Monkey Smash

Final Smash: I speak poorly of all the characters in this blog and they all jump of them self.

You all know that you want to play as this character, but now you can’t! So Nintendo, suck on that!

(P.S. can someone please translate this to Japanese? Thanks!)

[15] Episode XV. The Empire Kicks Brain

A long time ago in a blog far, far away … I had a beef!

Now as some of you don’t know I am a Jedi. It is a real religion! There is a church in Wales and everything! So I don’t see what’s so funny about it! Do I laugh when you say you’re Catholic? Do I smile when you say you’re Christen? No! I try to convert you! It’s like, one day someone is praising your blog and all of the sudden they find out you’re a Jedi and the next thing you know they chuck a grapefruit at your face (thanks for the free grapefruit bitch!)! There are too many anti-sejeditic people out there and let me tell you the dark side surrounds them! Why can’t we give peace a chance and bring balance to the force? Javier Bar-dammit! Don’t make me lightsaber your ass! I swear I’ll come right out of this blog and do it!

…There! Happy?

Anyway, I guess what I’m trying to say is; I can bring the corn-chips to this year’s Life-Day party. We gonna party like a Death Star (Yo-da man!)! So suck on that!

[14] Socks Rock!

If you have been lucky enough to meet me you will have wondered two things: #1. Where does all that ominous smoke come from? #2. Why does Robert wear his socks over his pants? Well I’m here to tackle the latter.

Listen, I would like to wear my socks the normal way, but then people might mistake me for a normal person. I really would like to! But the fans just love it. I want to remove my pants from my socks! But it is the latest fashion statement is Paris. I would like to stop! But then someone else might start. I would like to stop! But a certain part of my anatomy might drag on the floor. I want to stop! But I don’t want any of your brains on my pants! So suck on that!

[13] Who cars?

This is a little story that happened to a friend of a friend of mine: Me! I'm walking along with some of loyal followers when all of the sudden a car stops right in front of us. They roll down the window and some crazy lady sticks her head out of the window and starts yelling at us and asking us what we were going to do to this parked car that was aberrantly her friend’s. Now I’m going to tell you what is wrong with this story with one of my patented lists.

1. Crazy Ladies shouldn’t be aloud to drive.

2. The car was on the other side of the road from us.

3. Just because it was it was late in the night doesn’t mean we’re going to do anything to the car.

4. Just because we are a bunch of teenagers doesn’t mean we’re going to do anything to the car.

5. Just because we had a broken golf club that would be good to break into a car with doesn’t mean we’re going to do anything to the car.

The conclusion that I have come to is that I’ve come to is that that lady needs to get off the crack. So suck on that!

[12] Yo-Yo Yogurt

I don’t eat a lot of yogurt! So I don’t want you too think I’m a freak, but the other day I was eating a yogurt cup and there was a bunch of fruit at the bottom. Now, I don’t know if this is the norm, but I don’t like it! It fells like there are hiding something (and I know a certain axis of evil who would be very happy to hide something in my food)! However, after talking to an astrophysicist, I found out that you were supposed to stir the fruit in. Well, no deal!!!! I am paying you for the yogurt! So stir it yourself! I’m not doing that much work for yogurt! So suck on that!

[11] Oscars. The Grouch

Well the Academy awards are coming up tomorrow and I thought I would give all my loyal fans a little somthin, somthin. I know a lot of you like to bet on the winners or enter pools. So I have constructed a list of who I think will win the Oscars. And remember this who I actually think is going to win. I’m not going to play favourites!

Makeup: Juno

Film Editing: Juno

Costume: Juno

Cinematography: Juno

Visual Effects: Juno

Sound Editing: Juno

Sound Mixing: Juno

Original Score: Juno

Art Direction: Juno

Visual Effects: Juno

Live Action Short Film: Juno Theatrical Trailer

Animated Short Film: Juno Opening Sequence

Animated Feature Film: Juno’s Audio with some Animation Overtop

Documentary: The Making of Juno

Original Song: Anyone Else But You –Michael Cera & Ellen Page

Original Screenplay: Juno –Diablo Cody

Adapted Screenplay: Good Copy of Juno–Diablo Cody

Supporting Actor: Michael Cera –Juno

Supporting Actress: Olivia Thirlby –Juno

Director: Jason Reitman –Juno

Actress: Ellen Page –Juno

Actor: Ellen Page Disguised as a Man –Juno

Best Picture: Underdog

So, Academy of Motion Pictures, suck on that!

[10] Pen freedom NOW

Can someone please tell me what the bank’s problem is? Seriously they need to get their priorities in order. I was writing a cheque for all the networks I offended in my last post and I noticed the pen I was writing with was chained to the table. I promptly went to every other bank in town and all of their pens are chained to the table! Dude, that really makes me feel so untrusted (not that I’m a very trustworthy guy or anything)! Plus how often do pens get stolen really? The occasional hobo maybe! Just go down to Costco and buy the pens in bulk! You will be covered for all the Hobos in this town! And they would have to be a pretty petty thief to walk into a bank and just steal a pen! And that’s the other thing! As a bank, is the safety of your pens really your biggest concern? I can just imagine a man wearing a balaclava running into the bank yelling and shooting at the ceiling, saying “Alright give me all your pens in a paper bag!” And all the bankers would be yelling “NO! We have a whole vault full of money in the back! Just please don’t take our pens! We use those to write.” Straighten up banks! Or I might donate my money to charity! So suck on that!

[9] Right to Write

I never know how to start these things! You need a hook; something clever to grab the reader’s attention and believe me it is not as easy as it looks. That’s why I was so happy on Tuesday when I found out the writers’ strike was over and finally I get my writers back. Now I just make with the angry and they make with the write-y! So here’s today’s angry: Networks! Those guys have been asking for it for years! So here is a list of each network and why that network sucks (on that! HA HA HA! Those clever writers!):

1. Disney Channel – Hannah Montana … nuff said!

2. TBS – Because, Peachtree TV isn’t an improvement!

3. HBO - Stands for: High-priced But Overrated (also stands for: Hugh O'Brian. You know? The guy who played Wyatt Earp? Well nice try HBO, but the O comes before the B in O'Brian)!

4. Social Networks - Friends are great and all, but I didn’t get this blog because I had a lot of support (I got it because it comes with every Nexopia account)!

5. Verizon (the so called most reliable network) – STOP FOLLOWING ME AROUND!

6. Spider-Man’s Network that he held the innocent civilians in: I would be so scared if I was in one of those nets! How stable are they really? Also I never see Spider-Man come back to help the people down after he saves them. Are they just supposed to stay suspended above New York and rot there for years and eventually die? No thanks! Just let me hit the cement Mr. Man (if that is your real name)!

And besides all the reasons above the main reason I hate networks is that they kept me and my beloved writers apart! But now that my writers are back this blog will be better than ever and none of the networks above will get a cent, so suck on that!

[8] Saint Valentines Day, Ain't Valentines day

Well, loyal followers Thursday is Valentines-Day and I am so POed! I know what you obsessed fans are thinking “But, Robert you’re birthday is on Valentines-Day!” Ya? Well shut the hell up! I hate having my birthday on the 14th. Everyone always saying “Oh, I’m going to buy something for my boyfriend or girlfriend or both!” Never anything for me! Don't I have feelings? So that is way I am starting this petition to make February 14th National Suck On That Day! If you agree (which by the way you do) please leave your name, date and “suck on that” in the comments section. Let’s work toward a brighter tomorrow! Oh, and just so you know, government, I don’t care what the real number is! I’m calling ten signatures a moral victory, so suck on that!

[7] Lets Mosey on down to Facebook

OK all you Facebookies! Today is your lucky day I have started a new group on Facebook called "Suck On That: Fan Club". Now you know Facebook is not as good as Nexopia *crossed fingers* but all you true ‘Suck on That’ fans who have Facebook now have a great place to hang out! You just have to prove yourself a fan of the blog and you’ll get yourself inside this gated community. It is gonna be a blast! I’m bringing corn chips! Facebook won’t know what hit it (or rather dropkicked its brain)! Not many entry rules you just have to be a fan and not the axis of evil! Please leave comments about the group and please suck on that!

[6] Solved

The government totally sucks. Which totally sucks because I've had the answer to all our problems for years! Cryogenically-Frozen Super-Monkeys. Just hear me out! Monkeys make us laugh. Laughter is the best medicine. Medicine cures most things. Ergo monkeys cure most things. Super means that it can do more than usual. So Super-Monkeys would cure everything. Then we would only need the Cryogenically-Freeze to save them for future generations. Shut up, it works! Cryogenically-Frozen Super-Monkeys are the solution to all our problems (except for the Cryogenically-Frozen Super-Monkey problem) so suck on that!

[5] Read all my words

I think I’ll just hit the enter button a few times!














































The reason I have done this is because my beef today is how the website shows most of my blog right on my profile, but not this time. This time you have to read the whole thing! So suck on that!

[4] I can say whatever the F*** I want

OGTAYTRUJGHKHHSHWT$%TJDFGSJJTTYTHFGJGKTYUJYKIPO(*I )L"{UIDRFSYHJKKJHIUYIJ27HJHIFGDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

The above is an expression of my freedom of speech. I sure love that thing! For those of you how don’t know “freedom of speech” is something discovered by a caveman named Blog. He wrote some things one a cave wall that roughly translated to “You can say what ever you want to!” So no censoring! Yet, today in a world of political correctness you can’t say anything without someone telling you “You are such a pig!” or “Stop using such bad language in front of my kids” or “I’m not Italian!” or “I did NOT insult you... or you blog for that matter!” or “You can’t post two entries in on day!” Well it seems these people (you know who) you are have forgotten freedom of speech and they will get an extra brain drop-kicking. And now Nexopia is telling me you can’t reveal peoples last names on the site! Oh can’t I?

Ben’s last name is Stiller!

Carmen’s last name is Electra!

John’s last name is Rambo!

And my last name is The Destroyer!
So suck on that!

[3] Mistaken Identity

Alright its blog number 3 and already I've been told to write a formal apology, good sign! But like I’ve said before THIS I AN ANGRY BLOG! Ergo I will not be doing any apologising. However I will tell you that Vanessa is no longer the #1 hater of this blog. She is not a jerk for that reason. The real axis of evil starts with a B and ends with a –rooklyn. I was unable to tell who it was that was insulting me and me child (this blog). The great thing for me is that this ties into my beef today “profile pictures”. The reason I couldn’t tell who the jerk was is because there was no profile pic on said jerk’s profile. People! I’m sounding the printed alarm. WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooo-WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeee eeeeeeeeeeee-WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooo! If that didn’t scare you these fake statistics will scare you: over 5.5 people out of 8 don’t have profile picture and that is the same number of people who die on the internet each year! Do you expect me to memorize all your user names? No! You have to have a profile pic unless:

#1. You are hiding from the law (fight the machine!!!) Can someone please get the hippy out of my brackets?!?!

#2. You don’t have a face

#3. If you’re Ryan: This blog’s number one fan!


HAPPY BIRTHDAY RYAN AND SUCK ON THAT!!!

[2] The Low Down

I’ve have some complaints about there being “nothing in” my last post. Not to name any names *cough* Vanessa *cough*! So I am now here to tell you about my new blog it’s called ‘Suck on That’ and it’s the only reason to have Nexopia! First of all there’s my name: Robert, my mama gave me this name. So, if you have a problem with my name you have a problem with my mom and if you have a problem with my mom you have a problem with me! Secondly this blog will require you to use your head-meat, so it you can’t take your brain being drop-kicked then get the flip out of this internet right now! Alright let’s get down to beeswax, Q&A time!

Q: Who are you?
A: Your worst nightmare!

Q: What is this for?
A: To provide you with something more true than the truth. This isn’t going to be a blog for just anything. This is so that you the reader know what is wrong with the world. I read a blog the other day were the guy just stated the lyrics to a song! Without getting angry at them! “A blog without anger is like a power-ranger with out a giant robot” ~ Me

Q: How does this work?
A: I tell you things. You accept them.

Q: When will you post?
A: This is not a weekly blog!This is not a monthly blog! This is not a daily blog (Because unlike you nerds I have a life)! No, this is an evently blog! When I’m PO’ed you will know (so it’s best to check every day).

Q: Who is the person who is asking you all these questions?
A: … Shut Up!

This blog is your life from now on! So suck on that!

[1] Robert doesn't have a blog

Yes I do!!! So suck on that!!!