[30] American I - Dull

Has anyone seen this new show American Idol? Apparently it is very popular! Well, I don’t like it (big surprise there)! It is so boring, except for the additions, (Renaldo Lapuz is my brother forever).The judges are useless! Randy, you know you’re my dawg, dawg! But dawg, seriously dawg! DAWG! Paula Abdul, (drunken Janet Jackson wanna-be) sweetheart, I love you and I want you to keep following your dreams. But I just don’t think you’re right for the show! Simon Cowell killed the expression “you are your own worst critic”! I can’t believe Sanjaya didn’t win! Especially because these are the people they let win:

Kelly Clarkson – Why don’t you “breakaway” from making such terrible music!

Ruben Studdard – Who the heck is Ruben Studdard?

Fantasia Barrino – Fantasia? Why don’t you go back into the Disney Vault?

Carrie Underwood – She is the hot one right?

Taylor Hicks – No, you do not “make me proud”!

Jordin Sparks – Carrie Underwood is hot!

David Cook – I bought his single thinking it was a Dane Cook standup routine and now iTunes will not give me my money back!

Carrie Underwood – You are hot!!!

The way I see it Americans should start idolizing someone worth it like Carrot Top, William Shatner or me! We are the ones going to Hollywood! So suck on that!

[29] I will never sell out!

Okay, for those of you who don’t know, there is a new Suck on That website up (www.suckonthatblog.blogspot.com) and for those of you who really don’t know there is an old Suck on That website up (www.nexopia.com/weblog.php?uid=2680731). Now let me assure you that I am not turning my back on my Nexopia fans and that this new site is only to help expand the fan-base! I will keep both blogs running and they will both have exactly the same content (however some of the comments I make in the old posts only apply to the Nex blog). I have hired my good friend Rylen to run the new site because he himself is fan and only wants the best for this blog. I have heard some complaints about Rylen taking the advertising too far, but trust me we only raise awareness so that we can kick this blog into the next level. Trust me; I am not going to sell out. So you will never hear me plugging some food product or some appliance or some musician!

And speaking of musicians, I would like to take this opportunity to tell you about this great band called breached! It is this awesome little band based in Vernon, British Columbia. Anderz is the most electric charged, H-core front man I have ever seen! And Jamie is the greatest guitarist of our generation, exclamation mark! Ryan and Brant are the perfect Ringo Starr and George Harrison! Breached’s debut album “Recycle The Alternative” is set to be released on iTunes and CD! Breached is the next big thing and with song titles like “She Likes Circumcision” you know they have to be good! And I’m not just saying this to get a free t-shirt! So, suck on that!

[28] Baldwin Bothers!!

You know who I hate? I hate the Baldwins! They just keep multiplying and multiplying. They’re like rabbits … who are in movies … and on TV … and go to rehab a lot! No, they are more like Lindsey Lohan … except four of them! No, they are more like a boy band: Billy - The Cute One, Daniel - The Quiet One, Alec - The Talented One, and Stephen - The Mischievous Little Scamp! Well, whatever they are they’re annoying and I’m calling them out!

William, (is it Billy or William, dude, make up your mind!) you think you can go from being fashion model to being an actor? Next thing you know, you’ll be running for governor of California! I’ll give you ten dirty sexy dollars to get out of Hollywood!

Stephen, you were in Bio-Dome! Do I need another reason to hate you?

Alec, what happened? You used to be in movies! Good movies! Good movies that people had heard of! But now you’ve thrown your career away for some lame SNL-spin-off (no offence to Tina Fey)! If you are going to go that far why not just join the cast of Saturday Night Live? You could replace Darrell Hammond! They need someone younger than him anyway!

Daniel, you were caught running naked through the halls of the Plaza Hotel. I actually don’t really have a problem with you!

In short, these muskacters to say “Adiós” to acting and say “Bonjour” to The Rancor! So, Baldlose brothers, suck on that

[27] The US of Eh?

I would like to send a message to all my American readers: You are so stupid! Canadians all don’t drive zambonis or live in igloos! Canadians have as much of an accent as Americans! It is not ALWAYS cold and snowing up here! Man, you’re dumb! If I still have any American readers I would like to point out the differences between Canada and America in metaphor.

Our National Animals – America has the eagle. Canada has the beaver. America is majestic and beautiful, high on top of a tree; we’re a big ugly rat, but we cut that tree down!
Our Flags – You have 50 stars and they sure look pretty, but we get the same effect with only one leaf!
Our Violence – You guys get to attack Iraq for no apartment reason and it’s all good. We kill a couple seals and we’re evil!
Our Music Television Channels – You have MTV and we have Much. Neither one has anything to do with music!
Our Marvel Superheroes – You have Captain America sporting your flag and we have Guardian wearing our flag. Our hero no one has heard of! Your hero is world-famous, but he is dead!

So you see we are not that extremely different, just very, very different! So suck on that!

[26] Deleted and Extended Scenes

We now have passed the 25 mark and victory tastes great! But getting to were we are today wasn’t easy! I’ve made it despite it all! We’re at 25 posts, but you may be surpirsed that not everything I wrote in these blogs ended up in the finale post! Here are some deleted and extended scenes that I dug up out of my recycle bin over the last week:

#4: I Can Say Whatever the F*** I Want!
-or “The Goonies” is really a good movie”

#5: Read All My Words
-




#9: Right to Write
- CBS – You could have nine and three fifths of a man for all I care you still suck!

#11: Oscars - The Grouch
- Best Documentary Short Subject: Behind the Scenes of Juno
(P.S. This was cut because no one cares about this category, but I do think it won)

#13: Who Cars?
- 6. That car was too lame for us to do anything to! Lepard-print seats? Oh no you didn’t girl-friend!

#16: Super Smash No’s
- Side-A: Bee-Sting

#19: Suck on What?: Part 2
- It makes me mad that no one ever told me where sexy went in the first place!

#22: Rerun Away
- I even thought that Scrubs was over because there was no new material at all!

#23: History List-ory
- 10. Axis of Evil (Brooklyn) - Don’t mess with my blog because you are in for a world of hurt!

11. Every Native Amaracian – Don’t trust the white man! We’re douches!

#24: The Birds and the Bees and You!
-That SOB Bee never even called the bird back again

#25: Po-HATE-oe Chips!
- All dressed chips? Chips don’t need clothing! Sweet Chili Heat? That is not how you deal with a bear!

#26: Deleted and Extended Scenes
- Suck on that!

[25] Po-HATE-toe Chips!

Mmm! These potatoe chips are delicious! You know why? It’s because they are plain chips! They aren’t your namby-pamby, wishy-washy, no guts, flavoured chips. Some of those flavours can be so stupid! Almost as stupid as Post-John Ritter 8 Simple Rules!

Sour cream and chedder chips? Who eats cheese with sour cream, that’s just gross. Salt and vinegar chips? That is redundant! Spicy chips? Spicy is no a flavor! You might as well call them solid chips or circular chips! Barbeque chips? Who eats barbeques? Chippendales? No one wants to eat that! Microchips? Nobody trusts robots!

So get your act together potatoe chips! A funny side-note; in England they call potatoe chips “french fries”. Those English! Where was I? Hmmm … Oh yeah! Suck on that!