I am angry! Angry!!! I’m angry with Jon and Kate! Not to mention ei8ht (now I’m not a dictionary-ologist but last time I checked words weren’t spelt with numbers)! These two have waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too many kids! Hey! Leave some for us! Soon Jon and Kate will have all the children and we will all be living in a joyless childrenless universe! Theo is sterile, he ain’t gonna have any kids of his own!
Theo’s Thoughts: I told you not to go into my file cabinet!
Plus those kids! I’m gonna push the envelope so far that it falls of a cliff into the fiery depths of envelope-hell! That’s right I’m gonna yell at a bunch of kids! Let me list them because I enjoy lists so:
Joel – Now I like whining as much as the next guy, (read the rest of my blogs) but seriously find a reason to whine!
Leah – There is such a thing as too cute! Now I’m gonna barf!
Collin – What kind of nickname is Coggy?
Aaden – Dude, even I don’t know that many animals! What the heck is an elephant!
Hannah – You are too mature!
Alexis – You are too immature!
Mady – Your real name is Madelyn … what are you trying to hide?
Cara – At this point I don’t even care-a!
Theo’s Thoughts: Puns are the lowest form of humour!
And you are the hoe-est form of whore-mour! Suck on that!
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
[41] The Suck-It List!
I watched a movie recently and it really made me think; “what have I done with my life?” Granted it is probably more than you have done with yours but I want to do so much more and you never know when you’re gonna go! I mean look at what happened to the Kokanee Ranger and with that bear that escaped from the zoo I’m feeling that I might as well live life to the fullest! So here is my new bucket list:
1. See Weird Al Yankovic live.
2. Eat some animal that I have never heard of.
3. Lern how too speall btter.
4. Punch Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer in their fat faces for being such creative and revolutionary filmmakers!
5. Be nicer to Theo. He’s my cousin and I love him.
Theo’s Thoughts: Thanks cuz! I love you too!
Jeez Theo! Stop being so gay!!!
6. Become a hip hop cop with an attitude who’s been pushed to the edge.
7. Have a celebrity sign my underpants (a female one, sorry Theo!).
8. Go to White Castle.
9. Escape from Guantanamo Bay.
10. Say “suck on that” to the Prime Minister of Canada and/or someone with power
11. Write a bucket list.
Well, I’ve already done number eleven and today I will be flying from New York back to Vernon B.C. to do number one (you might even catch me at the PAC)! This movie has really made me learn the true value of human life! So I’d like to thank the whole cast and crew of “Knocked Up” for teaching me how important a life is! Thank you “Knocked Up”, I will not get an abortion! And as for you the reader, you’ll be happy to know that from now on I’ll be angrier than ever! Get ready for the greatest posts of your life!!! Suck on that!
1. See Weird Al Yankovic live.
2. Eat some animal that I have never heard of.
3. Lern how too speall btter.
4. Punch Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer in their fat faces for being such creative and revolutionary filmmakers!
5. Be nicer to Theo. He’s my cousin and I love him.
Theo’s Thoughts: Thanks cuz! I love you too!
Jeez Theo! Stop being so gay!!!
6. Become a hip hop cop with an attitude who’s been pushed to the edge.
7. Have a celebrity sign my underpants (a female one, sorry Theo!).
8. Go to White Castle.
9. Escape from Guantanamo Bay.
10. Say “suck on that” to the Prime Minister of Canada and/or someone with power
11. Write a bucket list.
Well, I’ve already done number eleven and today I will be flying from New York back to Vernon B.C. to do number one (you might even catch me at the PAC)! This movie has really made me learn the true value of human life! So I’d like to thank the whole cast and crew of “Knocked Up” for teaching me how important a life is! Thank you “Knocked Up”, I will not get an abortion! And as for you the reader, you’ll be happy to know that from now on I’ll be angrier than ever! Get ready for the greatest posts of your life!!! Suck on that!
Friday, August 15, 2008
[40] That Clip Show I Said I Would Do!
(Listen to a really soulful song while reading this)
THROUGH GOOD TIMES:
“Everything has been going really good lately.” “I love you and I want you to keep following your dreams.” “Who doesn’t love candy?”
AND BAD:
“I am really sad with the state of the world today!” “Some punk had egged my house!” “How will this blog survive?”
WITH FAMILY:
“My long lost half-cousin Theo.” “If you have a problem with my mom you have a problem with me!” “So please son(s) and/or daughter(s) take a seat because I want to have a serious conversation.”
WITH FRIENDS:
“I have hired my good friend Rylen.” “Brandon made me go see Tomb of the Dragon Emperor!" “HAPPY BIRTHDAY RYAN”
THERE IS ALWAYS ONE THING YOU CAN COUNT ON:
“It’s called ‘Suck on That’ and it’s the only reason to have Nexopia!”
AND THERE IS ALWAYS ONE GUY WHO DELIVERS!:
“Our old angry Robert!”
LADIES AND GENTELMEN, SUCK ON THAT IN ALL IT’S ANGERY GLORY:
“It makes me mad that I can never tell if it is a baby koala on a mama koala’s back on my shampoo bottle or a midget koala having sex with a regular koala”
“Then after I flew down to South-East Asia and beat up some Nazis I made it to The Cave of the Pharaoh’s Groin!”
“Well, Sunny-Jim, it’s time you wake up and smell the news!”
“Daniel, you were caught running naked through the halls of the Plaza Hotel. I actually don’t really have a problem with you!”
“He went, up and down, up and down, back and forth, back and forth, in and out, in and out.”
“CBS – You could have nine and three fifths of a man for all I care you still suck!”
“Oh no you didn’t girl-friend!”
“I've had the answer to all our problems for years! Cryogenically-Frozen Super-Monkeys.”
“When is it professional to publicly bash someone who was in a movie?”
“The next thing you know they chuck a grapefruit at your face (thanks for the free grapefruit bitch!)!”
“Best Picture: Underdog”
“A funny side-note; in England they call potato chips “french fries”.”
“So suck on that!” “Please suck on that!” “So, Academy of Motion Pictures, suck on that!” “Suck on that! “ “So Nintendo, suck on that!” “So, suck on that over and over again! “ “Suck on that!” “So my friends, suck on … oh what’s the point?!”
EVERYTHING!!!
THROUGH GOOD TIMES:
“Everything has been going really good lately.” “I love you and I want you to keep following your dreams.” “Who doesn’t love candy?”
AND BAD:
“I am really sad with the state of the world today!” “Some punk had egged my house!” “How will this blog survive?”
WITH FAMILY:
“My long lost half-cousin Theo.” “If you have a problem with my mom you have a problem with me!” “So please son(s) and/or daughter(s) take a seat because I want to have a serious conversation.”
WITH FRIENDS:
“I have hired my good friend Rylen.” “Brandon made me go see Tomb of the Dragon Emperor!" “HAPPY BIRTHDAY RYAN”
THERE IS ALWAYS ONE THING YOU CAN COUNT ON:
“It’s called ‘Suck on That’ and it’s the only reason to have Nexopia!”
AND THERE IS ALWAYS ONE GUY WHO DELIVERS!:
“Our old angry Robert!”
LADIES AND GENTELMEN, SUCK ON THAT IN ALL IT’S ANGERY GLORY:
“It makes me mad that I can never tell if it is a baby koala on a mama koala’s back on my shampoo bottle or a midget koala having sex with a regular koala”
“Then after I flew down to South-East Asia and beat up some Nazis I made it to The Cave of the Pharaoh’s Groin!”
“Well, Sunny-Jim, it’s time you wake up and smell the news!”
“Daniel, you were caught running naked through the halls of the Plaza Hotel. I actually don’t really have a problem with you!”
“He went, up and down, up and down, back and forth, back and forth, in and out, in and out.”
“CBS – You could have nine and three fifths of a man for all I care you still suck!”
“Oh no you didn’t girl-friend!”
“I've had the answer to all our problems for years! Cryogenically-Frozen Super-Monkeys.”
“When is it professional to publicly bash someone who was in a movie?”
“The next thing you know they chuck a grapefruit at your face (thanks for the free grapefruit bitch!)!”
“Best Picture: Underdog”
“A funny side-note; in England they call potato chips “french fries”.”
“So suck on that!” “Please suck on that!” “So, Academy of Motion Pictures, suck on that!” “Suck on that! “ “So Nintendo, suck on that!” “So, suck on that over and over again! “ “Suck on that!” “So my friends, suck on … oh what’s the point?!”
EVERYTHING!!!
Friday, August 8, 2008
[39] Suck On That’s Blog Anthem Challenge!
This post has been delayed for a week or two, which is because due to a pending lawsuit I will no longer be aloud to play the theme song at the start of the show (it’s been delayed even longer because Brandon made me go see Tomb of the Dragon Emperor)! That cheap bastard says he want’s more money for the rights to his song!
Theo’s Thoughts: Stop calling me a cheap bastard!
He knows dang well that this show doesn’t make any money
Theo’s Thoughts: Yeah, but you made ME pay YOU $100
So that’s your cue world! It’s Suck On That’s Blog Anthem Challenge! All you have to do is write, record and submit a song to suckonthat_blog@live.com! Everybody knows that this blog is the best thing that there is that exists! Imagine the bragging rights if it was your song on my show! Not to mention the fact that you would get 100 Robert-Bucks*** if you win, to buy some cool Suck on That stuff! So if you are a singer, song-writer, or in a band (time to pay me back breached!) get out there and write me a song and together we can tell that cheap bastard to suck on that!
Theo’s Thoughts: Stop calling me that!
*** Robert-Bucks only functional in Bangladesh. Robert-Bucks can only be used on specially-marked Suck on That merchandise. Suck on That merchandise does not exist at this time. Possession of Robert-Bucks is illegal.
Theo’s Thoughts: Stop calling me a cheap bastard!
He knows dang well that this show doesn’t make any money
Theo’s Thoughts: Yeah, but you made ME pay YOU $100
So that’s your cue world! It’s Suck On That’s Blog Anthem Challenge! All you have to do is write, record and submit a song to suckonthat_blog@live.com! Everybody knows that this blog is the best thing that there is that exists! Imagine the bragging rights if it was your song on my show! Not to mention the fact that you would get 100 Robert-Bucks*** if you win, to buy some cool Suck on That stuff! So if you are a singer, song-writer, or in a band (time to pay me back breached!) get out there and write me a song and together we can tell that cheap bastard to suck on that!
Theo’s Thoughts: Stop calling me that!
*** Robert-Bucks only functional in Bangladesh. Robert-Bucks can only be used on specially-marked Suck on That merchandise. Suck on That merchandise does not exist at this time. Possession of Robert-Bucks is illegal.
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