[35] Iron Chris Crocker Man (terrible pun!)

Leave Iron Monger alone! LEAVE HIM ALONE! And how flippin’ dare anyone out there make fun of Iron Monger after all he’s been through? He loves he’s money! He wants to kill innocent people! All you people care about is screen time and decent action sequences! HE A VILLAIN!!! What you don’t realize is he is twice the villain you’ll ever get and all you do is write a bunch of crap about him! He hadn’t been in a fight for years (he’s an old guy!), when it comes to fight scenes you people just want more, more, MORE, MORE!!! LEAVE HIM ALONE! You’re lucky that he even fought Iron Man for you at all! LEAVE IRON MONGER ALONE … please. Speaking of professionalism, when is it professional to publicly bash someone who was in a movie (I love movies!)? LEAVE IRON MONGER ALONE! PLEASE! LEAVE OBADIAH STANE ALONE RIGHT NOW! I mean it!!! Anyone who has a problem with him can suck on that!!!

[34] Allakhazam Headshot!

They are on your street corners! They are at your children’s birthday parties! They are on our televisions! That’s right I’m talking about magicians, they have a hidden agenda:

1. Fill your hat with Rabbit crap!
2. Sucker-punch you in the face while your cleaning your hat!
3. Wear really bad tuxedos!

We can’t let them get away with this or soon they’ll have all our world leaders writing their names on the backs of playing cards! With those signatures they will be able to do anything! Here are our main culprits and who I have assigned to take each one down:

Criss Angel-Mindfreak – Well to take on Mr. Angel-Mindfreak (if that is your real name) I would choose Chuck Norris, because Criss can walk on water, but Mr. Norris can swim through land (tm)!

Houdini – Now, I’m pretty sure Houdini is dead, but people still are able to talk to him! This looks like a job for Ghost Rider, suit up Nicolas Cage!

David Blaine – I’d pin him against Briana Evigan and Robert Hoffman, because they have what it takes to step up 2 the street magic!

Neil Patrick Harris – A gay-rights-activist so he knows it’s not because he’s homosexual and that it is because he’s magic!

Harry Potter – (See Above)

Siegfried & Roy – A black tiger could beat up their white tiger any day! Get it? Because whiteys are weak!

So to any magicians out there who are readying this be warned, I actually have these people on speed-dial and they will mess you up! Magicians you can cut me in half as many times as you want! I’ll still be twice the man you ever were! So suck on that!

[33] Robert's Mom

Hello this Robert’s mother and I have a beef! I never get see my little snogglepus any more! This is what blog do to people, they make them avoid real live! You people have ruined my son! In fact he just had a final exam and I think he failed that because he was on this darn internet the whole time he should have been studying! And to tell you the truth I don’t like the idea of him telling his personal feelings to the whole web! What is the web anyway? I’m going to go check it out be right back …

OMG! I was wrong about blogs! Blogs are a great way to get to know complete strangers (I feel like I know Diablo Cody personally)! And Youtube, that “Chocolate Rain” song touched me in a way that Whitney Houston never could! And Wikipedia, could you even possibly get more accurate information? I think not! And Google Images, you can find anything on that thing! In fact I need to find a way to remove embarrassing photos of myself from the internet! ROTFL! Well GTG! TTYL, Robert’s friends, stay out of trouble! Suck on that (that’s what I’m supposed to say at the end right?)!

[32] Sing-A-Wrong!

I need you! Now don’t go crazy and join the U.S. Army! I need you to tell me the title of this one song I’ve had in my head for a while and it is driving me insane! It goes like: duh-duh DUH duh-duh-duh duh-dee-dum ditty-dum dee-dum dee-dum. Okay, I know three things! I know this song is not by the Jonas brothers! I know it has the word “love” in it at least two times! I know that a pterodactyl is a flying-reptile and not a dinosaur! So if anyone knows that tune please tell me because it has been in my head for so long and I just want to punch the composer in the face! Alright that’s it! I look forward to telling the writer of this song to suck on that!

[31] British Columbia Rob and The Kingdom of the Vibranium Comb

I recently acquired a haircut (based on that of Anton Chigurh of No Country for Old Men), but the second I left the barbershop I knew that, to maintain this hairdo, I would need a comb. So, I proceeded to need a comb, but I couldn’t just get any comb for these curly locks. I needed some time to think about this so I went to go see The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull and it got me thinking what would Indiana Jones do? So, I went onto a secret North Korean website and searched up mythical combs and soon I found the perfect one. Then after I flew down to South-East Asia and beat up some Nazis I made it to The Cave of the Pharaoh’s Groin!

Once (and if) you make it past the traps of this cave you come to a giant gold room! In this room are three silver doors and overtop of them was the following written Hindu:

“Hear lies Le Comba Diablo! Forged by the gods and made of solid vibranium! The first object to both be struck by lightning and win the lottery! Bitten by a radioactive spider and clinically proven to raise the sperm count of diabetics! Pick a door kind sir, if you chose correctly the comb shall be yours, if not you shall be killed!”

So, I picked a door at random and the Comb Master (a giant griffin) opened one of the doors without the comb behind it and then asked if I would like to change doors or not. One door has a comb and one doesn’t, so 50/50 chance, right? Wrong! You see chances are that I picked one without the comb behind it, so changing doors will give you about a 66% chance of getting the comb (when sticking with the same door only gives you 33%)!

Long story, short, I got Le Comba Diablo (or Satan’s Hairbrush) and now my hair can be kept in mint condition! And if you don’t believe this story, then suck on that!